Ask Sir Blake: Arranged Love

Question:

Scenario: Let's say a up-and-coming gentleman's family believes strongly that said young man should pursue a relationship with a certain young lady and they find that the young lady's family feels the same about the need for the two to pursue a relationship. Is it appropriate to manipulate said souls into pursuing one another or would it be better to be more forward and to the point. Please advise quickly as certain up-and-coming young man's window of opportunity appears to be limited due to geographical challenges. -- Obnoxious Onlooker

Answer: 

Dear Obnoxious,

Quite the plight, but not altogether uncommon.

If I understand correctly, the scenario you present is one reminiscent of the arranged marriages of yesteryear. While this may not be what you are talking about, I'm going to answer it as if it was - because I haven't the energy to care otherwise.

The pressures of the clans to which said young man and young woman belong will beat powerfully upon their heads until their hearts are flattened into believing that what the families say should be. Unless, of course, the couple puts an end to it.

To answer your question if this is appropriate:  absolutely.

Now, modern storytelling and general consensus would lead a simple minded person to believe that the answer is otherwise.  The pair should find true love despite family pressures.  (See Ever After, 1998.)

Don't believe it.  The real key and question to this dilemma lies in a single phrase embedded in your question:

"up-and-coming"

In order to understand this we will need to understand the economics of relationships.  We need to first clearly evaluate the up-and-comingness of the young man with or without said young woman.  It is very possible that without said young woman the young man will only be "down-and-going".

Let us ponder for a minute the most successful families in the world.  If we trace their heritage, we will find that arranged relationships were the prime reason for their success. Countries were dominated, wealth was won, and power was monopolized.  They defined what is now the aspiration of the up-and-coming: land, wealth, power and privilege. (See the House of Sax-Coburg and Gotha, a.k.a. The Windsors) 

So, before the up-and-coming young man makes any rash decisions and denies his family the unmatched pleasure of treating him like a chess piece, he should consider his economic standing. He should ask said young woman for her family's financials.  Then he should evaluate the needs of all possible stakeholders. At that point he can make an economically wise decision.

In any circumstance, he should defend his status of "up-and-coming."  He should only pursue the relationship if the young woman will enhance, accelerate, or exponentially revalue his up-and-comingness.

If not, he should send his family to the birds and marry for bigger money or hold out and make his own fortune to later marry for the illusion of love.  (See J. Howard Marshall & Anna Nicole Smith, 1994)

So, when you are finished onlooking, please pass on this valuable advice before the young man and woman make a tragic economic mistake.